Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
