ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
