im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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