ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
