I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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