I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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