The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
