What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
