Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There r osticjed everywhere
I want her autograph on my taint
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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