why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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