What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
