thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
