i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
