I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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