I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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