Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
