I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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