Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
