Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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