My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
