My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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