i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
