but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She needs sedatives and a leash
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
