you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
