My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
