What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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