The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
