She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
