If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
