don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
