The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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