I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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