I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
