She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
