you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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