Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
