Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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