Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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