Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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