I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
