im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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