Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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