I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
