Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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