He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
