I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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