And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
