So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
