dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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