why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
